I am an introvert and pretended to be an extrovert for several days
I really care if I can become an extrovert. I asked professional psychologists, and no one gave me a definite answer. It seems to me that almost everyone treats introverts negatively. I believe that initially we are all ambivers, but in the process of upbringing and growth, individual qualities begin to prevail, and in puberty we already classify ourselves as one of the categories. But we continue to change, and the introvert can become an extrovert?
Alexandra, 23 years old
Introversion or extraversion cannot be raised, just like temperament. If we acquire a certain way of communicating with the world, this happens in early childhood. All we can do is to take this feature into account, making important decisions, choosing a profession, participating in various types of activities.
Most likely, people evaluate introverts negatively because they do not understand the meaning of this term. It is easily confused with schizoid personality traits or with autistic manifestations.
We are extroverts or introverts - we do not have the opportunity to develop the opposite qualities in ourselves as much as the dominant ones are developed in us. But it is known that many become more extrovert in the second half of life, and, conversely, introversion becomes available to extroverts.
Recently, in the audience of a psychological club in Zurich, we were invited to participate in an exercise. Knowing that the majority of those present were introverts, the host invited everyone to get up and meet as many people as possible. The time of each acquaintance was limited by the sound of the gong, which signaled that it was necessary to move on to the next person.
It is known that most people who choose the profession of a psychotherapist are introverts. It was also difficult for me to speak with a new interlocutor every five minutes. I soon realized that on the contrary, he was the same person as me, who was also scared and uncomfortable. This allowed me to relax. I did not become an extrovert, but I was able to enjoy communication.
When raising children, it is important to consider their features, protecting from unnecessary overwork. An introvert is not one who cannot communicate. This is a person who is turned inward to his thoughts and feelings. It may behave like an extrovert, but it will require more psychic energy.
Ask yourself why you really want to be an extrovert. Perhaps the family was always encouraged to be active and sociable. And now it seems to you that nature has cheated you. But introverts have great advantages in many activities where perseverance or attentiveness is required. Try to pay more attention to what you managed to succeed.
What makes an introvert an “effective leader”?
Popular culture usually connects the concepts of “extrovert” and “successful person”: it is believed that only extroverts who are easy to communicate can influence others and carry them along. However, introverts have several qualities that make them leaders who are able to make the right decisions and convince others of their rightness.
What is karma (and how to get rid of it)
Even those who are not very close to the ideas of Hinduism are thinking about the karmic connection of actions and their consequences in their lives and the “improvement” of karma. But the point is not to “gain pluses” in karma, but to get rid of it. Indeed, good or bad karma is equally slavery, says the yogi Sadhguru and explains this idea in the book “Internal Engineering”.
Why was all this needed?
Not so long ago, an interesting study was conducted in California. A group of 123 students was asked to act like typical extroverts for a week: to be more sociable and more active than usual, to visit companies more often, to do something spontaneously. The subjects liked this: almost everyone became a little happier.
And for the next 7 days, these same students were supposed to behave as reference introverts: not to speak with others unnecessarily, to be quieter, calmer. This week their health worsened.
Of course, among the participants in the experiment there were pronounced natural introverts who, in the 1st week, had to just as easily, in one day, adopt new standards of behavior. Oddly enough, they not only coped with this - they were not even uncomfortable with such changes, and they, like the others, feel better.
This is hard to believe. I always avoided big companies, I didn’t talk with people without strong need, and not to say that I was so unhappy. But who knows, suddenly a violent extraversion will really work?
So I decided to conduct my own experiment. The action plan was this: the next 4 days to be as sociable as possible, make new acquaintances and go to crowded social events, without running away from there after half an hour. The prospect of suddenly escaping from the comfort zone is scary, but I consoled myself with the thought that in which case everything could be returned to its position.
In order not to relax in vain, I began my experiment with a quest of increased complexity. Namely went to a master class on stage liberation, the very theme of which made me shiver nervously. However, on the spot I realized that things were even worse than it seemed: the hall was jam-packed. And about half of the audience decided not to participate in all this and enthusiastically watched as the rest, following the presenter, wave their hands and sing the vowels, removing the internal clamps.
I felt like a beast in a zoo, around which the onlookers crowded and did not allow me to quietly clog into my hole. It seemed to me that my hands were numb and sand was poured into my throat. But then I looked around. It seemed to the unfortunate comrades that it did not matter who looked at them and how - they simply enjoyed the process (or imitated it with talent). And then I jumped: why can't I do the same? Even if I seem to someone an idiot - so what? Do not like it - let not look!
And then a miracle happened. My shoulders straightened out, a voice erupted, and the remaining half hour I briskly rushed around the hall and screamed the vocal exercises loudest. I left winged with a master class. So much so that she didn’t even out of habit 3 hours stupidly google maps in search of the metro, but dared to call a man in a hurry somewhere and ask him for directions. Nothing terrible happened here: the guy described the route in detail and even led me a little. The world did not collapse, I did not die. And why was I afraid to ask passers-by for help before?
And only in the evening, at home, I realized how my first extrovert day exhausted me.
The day before I became so relaxed that the next morning I decided to behave somewhat deserted and not go anywhere - save my strength. Instead, I sat down to rake private messages. Believe me, there was that raking: I have accumulated more than 3 hundred unread letters. About how many months I ignored all these people, I tried not to think.
For an hour and a half, I plunged into the abyss of unread spam, strange flirtation from strange guys, important requests that had long lost relevance, and voice messages from friends who had once tried unsuccessfully to find out how I was doing. The oldest message was from a classmate who asked me to show her my graduation gown so that, God forbid, we would not come in the same. I had graduation a year and a half ago.
After answering all the letters that still made sense to answer, I tried to drown out the guilty feeling and called a long-time friend who we hadn’t talked to since I ignored her message last spring. And this was the first time in a year when I called someone. But I also coped with this. We chatted for a long time and sweetly, and my palms sweated nervously - quite a bit.
For the rest of the day I corresponded with people whom I had long neglected to communicate with. Although I was not used to talking so much (at the same time I had 7 dialogues), I felt as if I was surrounded by a family that loves me, even if I haven’t received a single answer for 300 years. And I was proud of myself, and it was so easy for me when I looked at the now unread message folder that even breathing was somehow easier and calmer. She promised herself that from now on I would begin to answer everyone immediately, even if they wrote for nothing.
Energy and two types of personality
The energy already mentioned is present in all people. These are our vitality. And just the way in which a person receives and restores energy is determined by an extravert or an introvert:
The former are constantly “fed”, being in the center of attention and communicating on any topics, while loneliness quickly depletes them.
The latter quickly "discharge" next to a large number of people who require their attention. An introvert is not rude or shy, he just does not have enough energy to talk with a stranger about the weather. Alone, such people restore their energy supply.
It is important to understand that introversion and extraversion are not diseases or abnormalities. Both extroverts and introverts are absolutely normal people who just differ from each other.
The second important point is that You cannot “correct” and become an extrovert / introvert! By the time of self-realization, a person is already a formed personality (according to scientists, the formation of personality type occurs in the first years of life). And you just have to accept yourself and develop all the positive aspects that each type has. Whatever the society dictates to you (which is now oriented toward extroverts), it is impossible to change and become different on the “extrovert-introvert” line. Any attempt at this will only undermine your mental and physical health.
Updated: 12/19/2019, 11:00 p.m. Word Count: 659 Reading Time: 3 min.
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We interpret the terms
Let's start with a brighter one. An extrovert is a person who is primarily aimed at communicating with society. He never sits in place, always in search of something new, interesting, bright. He often makes acquaintances, is the initiator of events, and takes an active part in those that are started by other personalities. An extrovert easily forgets insults and even those people who caused them to him. He seemed to dump all his thoughts and emotions outward, not embarrassed by anyone or anything. This moment is also key in self-expression - people immediately understand what constitutes and who a particular extrovert is.
The definition of introvert is the opposite of the type that has just been described above. Such people are aimed at themselves, or rather, inside themselves. They constantly think, analyze, dream, think something, doing it for a long time and constantly. Moreover, they absolutely do not need to communicate with large masses of people, moreover, social events are something that the introvert always tries to avoid. They do not play in public, do not show at once everything that is happening in their head - and there oh how many things. An introvert is designed to absorb information, listen to other people, read, learn something new and then analyze it all for a long time alone.
Obviously, the difference between an introvert and an extrovert. These two types have nothing in common; they are completely polar. In each question, in each characteristic, the values will be different, so you just give a scale of the qualities of the first and second. So, extroverts have:
- The desire for regular communication with others.
- Craving for mass events and large crowds.
- The need for constant attention from everyone - both close and strangers.
- Weakened control over your own emotions. Such people are extremely unstable, they are characterized by outbursts of anger, rage, crying or laughing, all of which can change within half an hour or less.
- A huge amount of vital energy and strength.
And here are the qualities that introverts can boast of:
- A high rate of comfort alone with yourself.
- Lack of need to constantly communicate with people.
- Dislike for noisy and crowded places.
- High degree of self-control.
- Silence and inner discretion, analyticity.
- A kind of alienation. A man, as it were, is in a company and communicates with everyone, but his thoughts are somewhere far away.
- An introvert needs retreat.
How we handle energy
Before answering the question of whether an extrovert can become an introvert, it is worth understanding how these two types get their vitality. This is a key point in this task, otherwise all the arguments of psychologists will seem unfounded to you. Well, an extrovert is a person who seems to throw everything out. A bright personality who does not get tired to shock the audience and be in the spotlight. Why? Only introverts can ask such a question, since extroverts understand that it is this “epicenter of attention” that allows us to get the maximum amount of vital energy. Each joke that others have noticed is an incentive for a new joke, and next time, perhaps, a la dance or song, which the extrovert will perform himself. Everyone will listen, laugh and applaud, thus recharging the person.
For the introvert, this behavior is fatal. Once it has become the center of attention, it is completely discharged, and then hastily leaves for “its room” to sit there and again, thinking and flying in the clouds, restore its energy balance. After such a retreat, a person again comes out into the world, studies it carefully, and can spend a certain amount of accumulated energy on communication with an interesting person.
Do we choose?
For a long time, the question: “Can an extrovert become an introvert?” Was rhetorical, and this was the right state of things. The fact is that our psychological type in this category is formed in the first years of life. It does not depend on the environment, communication with parents and other external factors. We can say that this is a lottery in which each child pulls his barrel, and then how lucky. In most cases, this type of temperament for a person is fixed for life, as well as the color of the eyes, skin, hair and other characteristics. It is extremely rare that an extrovert can become an introvert and vice versa, but it will not be your will at all, but some kind of sharp change in your environment - moving, psychological trauma, family ups and downs and so on.
How does this happen?
Most often, the reason for the change in temperament is precisely the negative psychological experience. Rarely, a simple move, even across the ocean, can break a person so badly. Yes, he will become more inquisitive, but this does not mean that he will change his internal system. For all this, it is worth emphasizing that after an “injury” you can become an extrovert as an introvert, and vice versa. In the first case, a function called “mask” is triggered. For all I am cheerful, resourceful, funny, I myself like all this - to walk, get to know, communicate, have fun.But returning home, such a person, being unable to completely overcome his nature, will spend days sitting at the window and sorting out his thoughts and memories under one. Believe me, no one will ever see and never know. The second case is a withdrawal into oneself. Just say that the reverse transformation for a person is simpler, since you do not need to hold a mask. And for yourself and for the public you are no longer a merry fellow, but a recluse. But at the same time, “former extroverts” do not delve into their thoughts, but simply grieve, completely cutting themselves off from the former pattern of life.
At my command!
It turns out that you can’t change your temperament type on your own and just like that, if you wish. You are so arranged - to receive energy in one way or another, and if you try to break these rules, you will immediately begin to feel at ease. The answer of psychologists to the question of whether it is possible to become an extrovert from an introvert is negative. This is unnatural, abnormal, and not at all necessary. After all, every person, whether he is a buffoon or a recluse, is beautiful in his own way, unique, individual and interesting.
A relatively new term in psychology, which is the definition of the average between an introvert and an extrovert. A person who can consume energy, communicating with other people if they are interesting to him, and at the same time he will feel good alone with himself, in the event that the company at the moment was inappropriate, or simply because he so wanted. Ambiverts are the most mobile people who perfectly adapt to circumstances, can maneuver in the cycle of life rhythm, make excellent acquaintances, but do not forget to think about each step.
Each psychological type is special and attractive in its own way. Therefore, it is foolish to ask about whether an introvert can become an extrovert, and a set-up is absolutely not necessary for us. Extroverts are bright and progressive personalities. They build excellent connections in society, always have a lot of acquaintances, are in the know about all the events and new products. You will not get bored with such people - they will amuse you, cheer you up even on a rainy day, and make you laugh. An introvert is an extremely mysterious person. Always flies in the clouds, ponders something, dreams. A detached and mysterious person who can reveal himself only if you enter trust in him. But the most unusual is when an introvert and an extrovert are intertwined in one personality. The average between them is a reasonable balance. A person knows when it is worthwhile to be active, and when it is best to close in the apartment and think it over. Such people are analysts, creators and dreamers all rolled into one.
How to become an extrovert, some tips
Perhaps it is very difficult to change your personality, but you yourself know, since you have already embarked on the path of self-development, how difficult it is. Sometimes it’s not easy to even change one habit. However, any introvert can become a larger extrovert than it was before, any self-enclosed person can go “out” and begin to communicate with other people and even enjoy it. Next, I give some tips to help you become an extrovert.
How to become an extrovert:
- 1. Determine what type of extrovert you would like to become. What, in your opinion, should be an extrovert, what is your ideal type of extrovert? If you think that you are too introverted, and would like to become a big extrovert, first decide on the vision of the result. It is likely that you have already done this, and you have developed a negative view of extroverts. You need to determine all the positive qualities of an extrovert and create your ideal image.
- 2. Think about relationships in terms of what you can give, not what you can get. If you seek to build new relationships based on mutual giving and receiving, you will not have a shortage of friends. Identify the people you would like to build a relationship with and start giving. Perhaps you have something that you can share with other people that will be useful to others, some knowledge or experience. It is possible that your experience with a computer may be useful to other people. Think and define what you can give to other people, when you find out, it will be much easier for you to make new friends.
- 3. Find the right social group. Consciously determine what type of people you would like to have a relationship with. Here you are not limited by anything, you can start relationships with people much older than you, or vice versa, somewhat younger, it can be your work colleagues or your neighbors, or representatives of a society. If these people are older than you, they usually have more knowledge and experience, they better understand who they are and what they want to do with their life. With people who are a little younger than you, if, of course, you yourself are not too young, you can conduct more entertainment events. Do not limit yourself to one thing, communicate with people of different ages, different cultures and countries. You will find this a very exciting experience.
- 4. Build on your strengths. It's funny, but many introverts communicate without problems on the Internet. In this environment, they are able to rely on their strengths, they easily share their knowledge and experience, they feel comfortable, maybe you know this? Well, now, try to use your strengths in real communication. If you are communicating with someone via the Internet, try meeting in reality. You can easily build your connections via the Internet, but now it is time to build them here in your city, region or home.
- 5. Join the community of interest. This is one of the most effective tips. The advantage is that you find people who share your interests, which makes building relationships easier. If you enter into one society and find that it is not yours, find another and enter into it. It is natural that you find one group too boring or too disorganized and uninteresting, but this does not mean that other groups will be the same. Search and try. All you need is one, well, a maximum of two good groups. This will fill almost all the gaps in your communication.
- 6. Develop your conscious skills. You can learn to build mutual understanding, how to introduce yourself, keep a conversation, invite someone on a date, feel comfortable in any situation with any number of people, do not get nervous and keep calm. But, if you have already embarked on this path, you must act for certain, you must really build these skills, and not just pretend that you possess them. Developing a small basic set of communication skills can serve you for a very long time, this is what you get for your whole life, and this is what you will use every time you meet someone. On our site you will find a lot of articles that will help you in developing communication skills.
Do not avoid communication, it robs you of the many opportunities that you could gain by communicating and meeting new people. And think not only about yourself, because there are many people in the world who can benefit from communicating with you. Go ahead, you will succeed!
The main signs of extroverts and introverts
So, an extrovert is a person who easily makes contact with the outside world. He is sociable, friendly, energetic. It is easy for him to meet people. An introvert is its exact opposite. He likes to spend time with himself, is not inclined to communicate, and makes contact with difficulty.
The first information about the division of people into two types appeared at the beginning of the 20th century. It was voiced by the Swiss psychologist and philosopher Carl Jung.
There are a number of differences between extroverts and introverts.
|Focused solely on himself and his inner experiences.||Actively communicates with others.|
|Uncommunicative, but not closed.||Show friendliness.|
|Restores vital energy through loneliness.||He does not like to be alone, as it plunges into depression.|
|Communicates only with loved ones whom he trusts.||He has many friends and acquaintances.|
|Looks at things from the inside, getting to their essence.||Draws attention immediately to everything, never comprehending the essence of things.|
|It takes a lot of time to think about the information received.||He does not like to analyze and evaluate information, giving preference to emotions and new experiences.|
|It takes quite a bit to get satisfaction from life.||Requires variety.|
It turns out that an extrovert needs people for a successful existence, and an introvert needs only himself.
It is definitely impossible to answer this question. For balance, both are needed. Therefore, you do not need to change anything.
According to Jung, a child is born with an already defined set of personal qualities. Therefore, in the family of extroverts, a baby introvert may appear and vice versa. Living together will not be easy, but no one needs to be retrained. Initially, inherent natural data play an important role in human life. If you try to change them, at an older age he may encounter serious psychological problems. The main sign of such people is self-doubt and, as a result, lack of luck.
Pros of each type
Extroverts have many advantages. This is not only a cheerful cast of character and the ability to find a common language with all people.
- They make good leaders. They easily motivate, lead a team. This is an example to follow.
- Take advantage of all the opportunities that life provides. They are ready for risk and change.
- Extroverts easily adapt to new conditions, enter the work schedule, restore energy.
- They have hundreds of friends, they know who to turn to for help or support.
- They can boast a life full of new experiences and pleasant emotions.
- Extroverts do not concentrate on failures, taking them for an opportunity to improve in something. Thanks to this, they easily cope with stress.
Despite the fact that introverts avoid communication, they also have a number of advantages:
- Without panic and anxiety, they encounter life difficulties. Nothing will knock the ground from under their feet.
- Thanks to a measured life, introverts are less likely to encounter stress and nervous disorders. The exception will be cases when you have to communicate with many people at the same time.
- People subject to introversion devote a lot of time to self-development. Introverts do not want to change the world. They themselves adapt, adapt to it.
- Rarely conflict with others. Such people are inherent in emotional stability. Introverts will never speak without first weighing the pros and cons of their words.
Do I need to change something
Before you stop being an introvert, you need to think about whether it really is necessary. Maybe there is no tendency to introversion? Special tests will help you figure this out.
After the type of personality is determined, you need to write on a blank sheet of paper the desired and real qualities. Let one column be positive and the other negative. After that you can act.
Find the reason
Introverts are often people who have suffered psychological trauma. It is important to remember what provoked the development of self-doubt, unwillingness to communicate with people around. You need to find out why you do not want to spend time with anyone but yourself. Psychotherapists will help to do this. You can try to do without them. But it will require willpower, honesty with oneself and self-control.
Need to make new acquaintances. It is desirable that these were people from different fields. Thanks to this, you can not only socialize, but become a comprehensively developed person. Indeed, new friends can teach something or share experience.
If shyness does not allow the introvert to communicate live, you can use a hobby. To do this, you need to create an interest club. This can be knitting or embroidery, reading or watching and discussing films, doing yoga or walking. There are many options. It remains to choose the right one. By the way, such an option to become an extrovert can be implemented both in real and in virtual life.
Don't be afraid to talk about feelings
Another way for an introvert to become an extrovert. Talking about feelings is difficult, but you must do it. Thanks to the organizers if the event went well. Or thank the hostess for a delicious dish according to a new recipe.
So, an introvert can become an extrovert. However, the process requires effort and time. First you need to understand where the unwillingness to communicate with others came from. After that, you can slowly leave the comfort zone and go towards change.
So introvert become or are born
A man is born an introvert, his psychotype is embedded in DNA. Genes create the boundaries of introversion for a person, but upbringing affects the range of boundaries: wide borders are a sign of influential education, narrow borders are less influential. On this account, Lane says: "Nature opposes education."
She adds: “The child’s preferences for extraversion or introversion are fixed at an early age. No matter how life experience shapes a person, the majority will continue to live with the preference that they chose in their first 4 months of life. ”